10 Reasons Why I hate My Birthday
I dread this day every year. And let me tell you, they have piled up enough for me to know this just isn’t a mid-life kind of thing. I appreciate all of the well wishes but let’s just get this out - I hate Birthdays. Not yours, you are free to deal with as you desire. I hate mine. Here’s why.
1. Everybody has a birthday, what makes mine so damn special?
2. People say stupid things to you. You know what they are. it’s a symptom of birthdays being a dumb idea.
3. I am not a cake person. Despise buttercream - it tastes like cancer to me. Give me a good pie any day of the week.
4. And what’s with the dopey candles? Do they harken back to some ancient fire ceremony? They mess up the dumb cake too.
5. I despise the Birthday song. Didn’t when I was young but once I read the Catcher in The Rye it was over. All I hear is a bunch of morons singing off-key.
6. And what the hell are you supposed to do while they are sing that stupid song? Sing with them? Stare into space? Smile awkwardly?
7. Presents. Oh my god. I get bile in my throat every time I hear “you are so hard to buy presents for!”
8. Facebook is the worst thing to happen to Birthday Deniers - no where to run; no where to hide.
9. I really don’t need a public reminder of inching toward my appointment with the grim reaper; my back does every single morning.
10. I didn’t do a damn thing when I was born, Mom did all of the heavy pushing - Mothers should get the cake.